Teej

December 2, 2009

Torn.

a - you live far away but when I go to uni we'll be closer. We know each other so well, and I know you like me. You're gorgeous and you make me laugh, and I really think we could work if we try.

k - I'm very very attracted to you. I almost told you how I felt today. I asked you why you slept with me, and you said 'dunno'. Great.

Posted at 01:14 pm by tiaess

k - I wish I had the courage to tell you how I'm feeling about you. I'm so scared of losing you, and j and f and everyone else. You must have some kind of feelings for me, yet all I get from you is mixed signals. Help me out a bit. All I want to do is hold your hand and kiss you

Posted at 01:53 am by tiaess
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November 24, 2009

It's half midnight, and I'm shattered, yet I know I won't be sleeping for a few hours yet. I'm at the boy's flat. J is playing COD6, F is preparing the Shisha and T is lying on the floor doing, well, nothing.

I am going to see Michael Mcintyre tomorrow (well today actually) and I'm very very excited. We're staying in the Hilton Hotel opposite Wembley stadium! I'm going with X, not my desired company but I really want to see Michael!

I'm fairly happy today to be honest. There's no one occupying my mind as much.

But I really wish that A would hurry up and get time off work so we can book our holiday (:

Posted at 01:28 am by tiaess
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November 21, 2009

What the hell would I do without F? Generally, I go out most Tuesdays! Everyone gathers at my flat for a few pre drinks, before heading into town at around 10 to go to Route. I love Route on a Tuesday night. £1 per drink pretty much all night = a very drunk Tia. So a couple or weeks ago, I was in Route, grooving away, danced with a few men, annoyed M by scaring off girls he was chatting up, and having a good time! L decided it's time for a cigarette. I'm not entirely sure, but she has a cigarette every... 30 seconds? Well, she would if she could. We went to the smoker's area and J appeared out of no where, brilliant! We were having a laugh, chatting, when he made a joke about no one liking me. I know he was joking, and he didn't mean it at all, but I immediately burst into tears. By tears, I mean I was hysterical.

L couldn't calm me down so she rang F and asked him if I could go there, and put me in a taxi to his flat. I then proceeded to cry on his living room floor for the next hour. Classy!

Posted at 11:46 pm by tiaess
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November 20, 2009

He rummaged through my bag yesterday and found a packet of condoms. There was only 1 in the box, because I've put them in the two bags I take out clubbing with me. He lost it with me. He assumed that I've used both of them. Not that it has anything to do with him who I sleep with and when.

Besides this, I had a nice evening. I went to F's, and we had pizza, watched Russell Peters stand up and then played 'I have never'. I had the intention of going home, but I left my keys at home and didn't want to wake anyone up, so I stayed there. I asked F to sit with me while I fell asleep because I still can't sleep alone. I eventually fell asleep at around 6am, I'm not really sure when F left.

Work tomorrow.

Posted at 05:53 pm by tiaess
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November 17, 2009

I had a really good night last night.
I went to F's and saw J, T, K and Tq and C appeared later on. F made up fajitas, and they were actually delicious.
We didn't really do anything in particular. But it was really good (:

J, T and C got very drunk and went out. We messed around for a while and then went to sleep. Woken up by the other three when they came home, and they started throwing salami around.

'Don't speak to me unless you actually have to.'
This is what Ch said to me. What a dick.
'We were all friends until you came along'
I actually started before her so I really don't know what she's talking about.

I feel a lot better today.

Posted at 05:16 pm by tiaess
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November 16, 2009

I bought these shoes the other day, and they arrived today. I really like them. Although they make my feet look abnormally large. I've almost got my entire winter wardrobe. All I need is a pair of waterproof boots.

These maybe?

Posted at 12:52 pm by tiaess
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If I had some speck of self control I wouldn't be in this position. If I had just kept my fucking legs closed, I'd be fine! I wouldn't feel like everyone is turning away from me. I wouldn't feel as though I've single handedly ruined my life and a few of those around me. I wish to God I could turn back time, and take back a couple of things that I did... couple of people I did.

J. Drunken mistake resulting in the breakdown of our friendship. I thought this boy was a true friend of mine, but we can't seem to reconcile. I don't know what to say to him. I'm sorry that it happened, but it wasn't all my doing. I didn't jump on myself now, did I? Now, I'm the gossip of the century. What I don't understand is why it's me that's lost everyone, and not both of us. I have no one. He doesn't see that. He picks and chooses when he speaks to me. When he can be bothered.

I am falling apart. I keep thinking about how I'd do it... you know... Then i realise how stupid I'm being, but I can't get this thought out of my head. It's mentally crushing me.

I've realised that it's my ex boyfriend's birthday today. I love him. For goodness sake, what is wrong with me? I was so ready to be happy. Tomorrow I'm ringing the doctors, going to get myself an appointment. Maybe they can sort my head out.

Posted at 01:13 am by tiaess
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November 15, 2009

Work. X factor. Bed.
This is how my weekends roll at the moment. The exact same routine weekend after weekend. Up at 9. Work for 10. Finish at 7. Walk home. Watch the X Factor. Go to Bed.

Whatever am I going to do when X factor finishes?

Posted at 11:12 pm by tiaess
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November 14, 2009

I feel like I can't actually breathe. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I beginning to feel like my life is spiralling out of control. Before I felt like I had control, like whenever something went wrong I could always fix it, I could always counter it with something positive. It's not as though I don't have anything going for me. I do. I have friends, I have a lovely flat, going to university. I have a good job. I enjoy it. But it's not going anywhere. I do the same thing, every day. Occasionally, I'm taught something new, a new procedure or routine, but solely for the purpose of helping out the manager. So I do jobs that aren't my responsibility, for the same wage - causing myself unnecessary stress and worry.

I just want everything to go away right now. That would be brilliant.

Posted at 01:02 am by tiaess
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